I'm embracing the changes in my life and with those changes come pain and self-doubt. I'm embracing those, too. Without the pain, the self-doubt, and the sadness I could not see the silver lining, but I see it now.
I'm past the uncertainty that comes with swift and sudden change and I'm moving forward. Sometimes it feel as if I'm moving forward underwater with limbs thick with exhaustion. My body feels like I've run a race and I'm laced with fatigue; I'm moving forward and know that I'll fall in love again and this time with someone who truly loves me back.
The worst part of a break-up is the uncertainty that dwells constantly in the back of your mind. This uncertainty tells you you're not good enough and that you'll only fail again if you try--but I'm doing it anyway.
So here I am surrounded by mountains of clothes and boxes full of the last three years; it feels like I'll never finish unpacking, but I will.
This is more an open letter to myself than anything else--a pep talk, if you will. I wrote a poem (that's not quite finished) about the end of my relationship, and it's a work in progress. I write to share my experiences and through writing I feel alive. This I share with you: it feels great to be alive.
Caution: "Wild Animals”
Packing books, photographs, memories
Down into a brown box labeled
“Caution: Wild Animals”.
He sure had a way to make her smile
And roll her eyes simultaneously.
She glances over the books and framed photographs
Dusty with age and thinks rather dramatically,
“My best years are behind me”.
She sits down heavy with weight of
Shared jokes, heated fights, and
He drinks a beer and the
Condensation drips onto his
Crisp white shorts,
Pressed with perfection.
But he fails to notice
The droplets even as they
Wind around his fingers
Finally making a last desperate
Move and spill to the floor
Because he’s watching her
As she makes a mess of her packing.
Their eyes meet
And in that instant they wonder if
Maybe they can give it another try.
She drops her eyes first as they become
Heavy with the finality of their